Paging Harry V - Poisonous Review Needed
Spizzico, Elmwood Park, IL

Back in the day, one "Harry V" could rip a restaurant with the best of 'em. Like an aspiring critic for the Village Voice, Harry knew that if there was something bad to be said, that could be said well, with style and panache, well go ahead and say it. Harry's vitriol got him the distinction of getting kicked off of Chowhound not just once but twice. His opinions, always, have been sadly missed (well by me at least). And God damn, I need Harry.

I need Harry to destroy Spizzico. Make you understand how truly bad this place has become, to prevent you from falling into the trap I fell into, "we have a coupon honey...." Spizzico might yet convince me that Chicago DOESN'T have good pizza. Because the pizza that showed up at our home the other night was so bad, so wretched, that I have become nearly delusional with fear that good pizza could even really exist (in Chicago). Please Harry, take me out of my misery. Order from Spizzico. Report back.

See if your pizza comes half-smooshed, like the delivery man got rear ended on his way to the bungalow. See if your crust is so light and grainy that it reminds your of a movie at the Museum of Science and Industry on paper making. See if your pepperoni resembles in taste, texture and odor, almost exactly, of what was in the special treat lunchables we purchased for the chowhounditas a few weeks ago (daughter to dad that evening, "I did not like the pepperoni in my lunchable, it tasted like sausage"). Please make literature of this swill.

Sadly, Spizzico did not always deliver such coupon inducing slop. They used to be exactly the kinda place you wanted nearby. Even though Spizzico is across the street from one of the premier Italian beef shops, and undisputed best smelling restaurant in Cook County, Johnnies, I had plenty of reason to eat at Spizzico. Really, not just tables, heat and a bathroom. I liked a lot of stuff at Spizzico. Breaded steak sammy's, fried shrimps, even cheese drenched parmesans tasted fine. Liked, however, is the operative word. I like nothing anymore at Spizzico, and I'd like only to be a better hatchet man.